Surprising Grace

This poem is by Agustina Hartini fcJ and translated by Audrey. The original Indonesian is below. So deeply touched is my heart to see your face What relief to find a stopover place It is enough to sleep soundly for one night After enjoying an evening meal. Tomorrow… whatever The day after… leave it The future… we surrender it Do I dare to hope… maybe not Do I dare to step forward… I don’t know the way Do I dare to change… I don’t know what should be changed. ***** Hatiku trenyuh melihat wajahmu Wajah kelegaan temukan persinggahan Cukup satu malam tidur nyaman Setelah menikmati makan malam. Besok, . . . entahlah Lusa, . . . . biarlah Masa depan, . . .  kami pasrah Apakah berani berharap, . . . rasanya tidak Apakah berani melangkah, . . . ku tak tahu arah Apakah berani berubah, aku tak tahu apa yang harus diubah.

Last month I went "on retreat" to a beautiful place on a hill overlooking a lake. A group of teenagers were there at the same time on a retreat programme organised by their school. I was by turns annoyed, when the noise they were making made it difficult for me to experience the silence I was hoping for, and sympathetic, when I overheard their emotional sharing with each other about their lives, not without tears. It reminded me that teenage life is not easy! One evening I was sitting quietly by myself in the garden. The sun was setting to the west, a fiery sphere of liquid gold descending gently into the silhouettes of trees cresting the hill, coloring the veils of cloud streaming across the sky a shimmering red, yellow, orange, and purple. The glorious beauty of it touched me somewhere deep inside. If I hadn't already believed in God, I would have at that moment. Into this sacred moment, of course, barged a bunch of chattering teenagers... though the beauty of th...

This poem was penned by Agustina Hartini, an FCJ sister living and teaching in Ende, Flores (Indonesia), and translated by Audrey.   Finally I realise: that life is not like a river Bringing water continually to lower ground, flowing and flowing. It is actually a climb: the higher you climb, The stronger the wind, the colder the air – But at dawn, beauty without compare. As I climb, I search for your banner I measure the length and breadth of your path I guess at the colour of your clothes I count the number of your followers – And I find nothing, other than your footprints. ***** Akhirnya aku tersadar, bahwa hidup tidak seperti sungai yang terus membawa air ke tempat yang rendah, mengalir dan mengalir saja. Ternyata hidup adalah pendakian, semakin tinggi mendaki, semakin terasa angin menerpa, semakin dingin terasa, namun diawal hari ditemukan keindahan tiada tara. Dalam pendakian ini, Aku mencari bendera panjimu Aku mengukur leba...

Here I am again at the airport in Manila, waiting to fly back to Singapore for a visit. Being here again reminds me of the times I have been here before. The first, while on the way home for a visit after my first 6 months in Manila living with the sisters -- a time of much fear and struggle as I found myself bereft of all the externals that had seemed to make up my life before. The second, a year later, on the way to start my novitiate in Indonesia -- a more hopeful time when I was sad to leave the roots I had begun to grow here, but looking forward to a new adventure. The airport has changed. Back on my first visit it had just been ranked the worst airport in the world, but now this terminal has undergone a facelift. While the outside still looks the same, the inside is now modern and bright. I can't help but think that it is a metaphor for my own changing -- inside. I haven't had many of the common external milestones by which to measure progress -- a job promotio...

A young adult I know was sharing with me the other day a little about her search for a fulfilling job, which hasn't materialized yet. As we parted she said with some emotion, "I will be 30 in a few years, and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life!" I don't know about you, but I recognised that sense of longing and frustration at seemingly not knowing one's place in the world, and my heart went out to her. For some reason many of us grow up expecting that our lives will be settled at a certain age... but in reality I wonder if that feeling of uncertainty about one's life direction ever conclusively goes away for anyone. In my own experience (being now on the other side of 30) it varies in intensity at different stages of life... the young adult years being a vulnerable time (and mid-life, I hear!). In any case, in this world where change is the only constant, perhaps it is also inevitable - and right - that we are continually invited to qu...

Community Day 2018: A pictorial representation of our vision / direction statement for 2018, which says: “ Celebrate hope, peace and justice through companionship. ” In the community where I live now, there are 9 of us from 4 different countries. I have been very grateful for my experiences in this community and for the people in it who are to me examples of generosity and loving service – and witnesses also to the importance of fun and humour in daily life. My younger brother came to stay with us for a week back in December when I was about to make my first vows. On the last day he said, “I thought this week of living in a convent with sisters was going to be very difficult – but it turned out to be so much fun!” His statement reminded me of my own surprise the first time I visited an FCJ community. I suppose what I had in mind was the image of serious, holy nuns in habits praying in choir… but the group of smart, capable, funny, joyful motorbike-riding women that I met ama...

Our guest writer this week, Grace, is a Singaporean Roman Catholic. She graduated from the National University of Singapore, Faculty of Law in mid-2018 and recently entered practice. This reflection was written just before entering the working world, looking back on God’s hand revealed through four years of law school. It’s been two months since my last university exam, and it’s now one day before I officially enter the work force. I thought I’d write a reflection on these past four years, and I thought I’d begin with a prayer I wrote just before entering university: To remember what defines me: values, and not the institutions which uphold them. To believe the best in people: and include in those, myself.  To remain open to the joys which God brings my way when I am not looking.  To remain humbly, God’s servant: To remember my purpose, which must always be tethered to love and how best to serve.  To be comfortable in the silence and allow God’s peace to tran...

In 2014, I moved to the Philippines, where I lived for little over a year. That wasn't the first time I had lived out of my native Singapore, but it was the first time I had done so in a country with a language and culture so different from my own. I couldn't have anticipated how much of a shock it would be for me to leave all that was familiar and find myself in strange territory. Someone explained to me then that what I was experiencing was a loss of power: the power I had had in my own country that came from being able to communicate in my own language, knowing how to get around, being plugged into networks of shared meaning, having a good job and the self-respect that came from it, the support of loved ones, etc. ... For a while I wondered, as I tried to pick up the pieces, what was left of me when all of that had been stripped away. I knew in theory that I was deeply loved for who I was and not for what I could do... But it was a long time before I started to really un...