Gracelessly - But Still!

Here I am again at the airport in Manila, waiting to fly back to Singapore for a visit.

Being here again reminds me of the times I have been here before. The first, while on the way home for a visit after my first 6 months in Manila living with the sisters -- a time of much fear and struggle as I found myself bereft of all the externals that had seemed to make up my life before. The second, a year later, on the way to start my novitiate in Indonesia -- a more hopeful time when I was sad to leave the roots I had begun to grow here, but looking forward to a new adventure.

The airport has changed. Back on my first visit it had just been ranked the worst airport in the world, but now this terminal has undergone a facelift. While the outside still looks the same, the inside is now modern and bright.

I can't help but think that it is a metaphor for my own changing -- inside. I haven't had many of the common external milestones by which to measure progress -- a job promotion, a degree earned, a new baby -- but every time I step through these now-familiar doors (and security scanners!), I feel myself a little more free inside, a little more open to Love.

At times like these

I feel a little tingle of intuition

At the back of my mind

Or is it deep in my gut?

And it whispers:

If only you had a grain of understanding

Of the grace, and the glory

That holds you in being

And the whole universe;

That gathers up all the joy and the pain

And turns it into life, and more life --

You would dance lightly through the world,

The delight in your heart

Bubbling up in unquenchable laughter.

But till that blessed moment

I will keep putting

One foot in front of the other,

Following the gentle voice that calls me

Through hills and valleys,

Airports and slums

Gracelessly -- but still!

Note: This post was written some months ago.