Surprising Grace

(This post was written sometime in July.) Goodbyes are never easy. Over the last two weeks, I had the unexpected and wonderful opportunity to be in France with a group of sisters from our Society, and visit some of the places that were significant in the founding years of our Society. The 21 sisters in the group hailed from 10 countries: Indonesia, the Philippines, England, Canada, Belgium, Singapore, the United States, Australia, Ireland and Italy. I had lived with some of these sisters before and was meeting others for the first time. Despite being of such different ages, languages and cultural backgrounds, we shared food, travel inconveniences, laughter and tears. We had deep conversations and were deeply touched by each other's presence and stories. It was incredible to experience the companionship of people who were living out the same spirituality and vows as we were, but in their own different ways. All this made it so much more difficult to say goodbye on the las...

This poem is by Agustina Hartini fcJ and translated by Audrey. The original Indonesian is below. So deeply touched is my heart to see your face What relief to find a stopover place It is enough to sleep soundly for one night After enjoying an evening meal. Tomorrow… whatever The day after… leave it The future… we surrender it Do I dare to hope… maybe not Do I dare to step forward… I don’t know the way Do I dare to change… I don’t know what should be changed. ***** Hatiku trenyuh melihat wajahmu Wajah kelegaan temukan persinggahan Cukup satu malam tidur nyaman Setelah menikmati makan malam. Besok, . . . entahlah Lusa, . . . . biarlah Masa depan, . . .  kami pasrah Apakah berani berharap, . . . rasanya tidak Apakah berani melangkah, . . . ku tak tahu arah Apakah berani berubah, aku tak tahu apa yang harus diubah.

Last month I went "on retreat" to a beautiful place on a hill overlooking a lake. A group of teenagers were there at the same time on a retreat programme organised by their school. I was by turns annoyed, when the noise they were making made it difficult for me to experience the silence I was hoping for, and sympathetic, when I overheard their emotional sharing with each other about their lives, not without tears. It reminded me that teenage life is not easy! One evening I was sitting quietly by myself in the garden. The sun was setting to the west, a fiery sphere of liquid gold descending gently into the silhouettes of trees cresting the hill, coloring the veils of cloud streaming across the sky a shimmering red, yellow, orange, and purple. The glorious beauty of it touched me somewhere deep inside. If I hadn't already believed in God, I would have at that moment. Into this sacred moment, of course, barged a bunch of chattering teenagers... though the beauty of th...

I chatted with a friend a while ago who had recently moved abroad and was struggling to settle into her new surroundings. She talked about the disorientation she experienced - both in the physical environment, and a more interior confusion. She described in a rather amusing way her efforts to blend in with colleagues in her new workplace who came from different cultures and walks of life than she did (who loved eating fried chicken feet and talking about the birth weights of babies, both of which she was not familiar with!). She ended off saying with a sigh, "I'm not as good as I thought in communicating with different sorts of people." I was actually quite amazed by her account - by her efforts to 'insert' herself into an entirely different social, economic and cultural environment - and told her that. Actually, I don't know too many people who would have such openness and courage to go outside their comfort zones like that. On another level, her s...

This poem was penned by Agustina Hartini, an FCJ sister living and teaching in Ende, Flores (Indonesia), and translated by Audrey.   Finally I realise: that life is not like a river Bringing water continually to lower ground, flowing and flowing. It is actually a climb: the higher you climb, The stronger the wind, the colder the air – But at dawn, beauty without compare. As I climb, I search for your banner I measure the length and breadth of your path I guess at the colour of your clothes I count the number of your followers – And I find nothing, other than your footprints. ***** Akhirnya aku tersadar, bahwa hidup tidak seperti sungai yang terus membawa air ke tempat yang rendah, mengalir dan mengalir saja. Ternyata hidup adalah pendakian, semakin tinggi mendaki, semakin terasa angin menerpa, semakin dingin terasa, namun diawal hari ditemukan keindahan tiada tara. Dalam pendakian ini, Aku mencari bendera panjimu Aku mengukur leba...

Here I am again at the airport in Manila, waiting to fly back to Singapore for a visit. Being here again reminds me of the times I have been here before. The first, while on the way home for a visit after my first 6 months in Manila living with the sisters -- a time of much fear and struggle as I found myself bereft of all the externals that had seemed to make up my life before. The second, a year later, on the way to start my novitiate in Indonesia -- a more hopeful time when I was sad to leave the roots I had begun to grow here, but looking forward to a new adventure. The airport has changed. Back on my first visit it had just been ranked the worst airport in the world, but now this terminal has undergone a facelift. While the outside still looks the same, the inside is now modern and bright. I can't help but think that it is a metaphor for my own changing -- inside. I haven't had many of the common external milestones by which to measure progress -- a job promotio...

A young adult I know was sharing with me the other day a little about her search for a fulfilling job, which hasn't materialized yet. As we parted she said with some emotion, "I will be 30 in a few years, and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life!" I don't know about you, but I recognised that sense of longing and frustration at seemingly not knowing one's place in the world, and my heart went out to her. For some reason many of us grow up expecting that our lives will be settled at a certain age... but in reality I wonder if that feeling of uncertainty about one's life direction ever conclusively goes away for anyone. In my own experience (being now on the other side of 30) it varies in intensity at different stages of life... the young adult years being a vulnerable time (and mid-life, I hear!). In any case, in this world where change is the only constant, perhaps it is also inevitable - and right - that we are continually invited to qu...